I was 11, and my first gay crush
was "Marky Mark" Wahlberg.
Initially, I didn't like his cocky attitude in his "Good Vibrations" video.
But my hormones soon kicked in after a few months of being mesmerized by his sweaty moves in arty black and white.
And then?
I wanted him to push ME against a chain-link fence, like the lucky female model in the video.
Then his workout tape came out. But I didn't buy it until I was 15 or so, in the bargain bin at K-Mart. I remember being so nervous as I bought it, so my mom and sister wouldn't see. The cashier was almost laughing at my obvious nervousness.
I hid the video inside my coat to leave, and often hid the workout tape at home. I was never able to watch it for very long, thanks to my hormones. And sure enough, I got forgetful once and left the tape in the living room as my family was spring cleaning.
I was clearly embarrassed as my nosy sister asked why I had the tape. And, why I didn't seem as fit as Marky or his workout buddies in the tape.
I attempted to actually use the workout tape for its intended purpose. But again, I could rarely make it past the first few minutes. Which is when they show Marky waking up in bed, in nothing but his Calvin's.
