I'm in the mood for love

Memories

When I was young...I never needed anynone...
and making love was just for fun...
those days are gone !!
( From the Lyrics "All by myself" )

Mi angel Canadiense

Yo siempre me pregunto ¿Quién mueve los hilos de todas las marionetas que participamos en este teatro de la vida?. Pues suelen suceder hechos absolutamente inesperados que alteran el curso de lo que pensamos será nuestro próximo "paso".

Casi al completar 18 meses con la biterapia, en un control médico me detectaron CANDIDIASIS y en el sistema de salud público me recetaron "Nistatina" ( de sabor absolutamente desagradable ) que cada vez que la ingería o me hacía los enjuagues bucales sugeridos por el médico, me provocaba una sensación de náusea intolerable.
Como es sabido, la candidiasis bucal es causada por formas de un hongo llamado cándida. Una pequeña cantidad de este hongo vive en la boca la mayor parte del tiempo y por lo general es mantenido a raya por el sistema inmunitario y otros tipos de gérmenes que normalmente también viven allí. Sin embargo, cuando el sistema inmunitario está débil, el hongo puede multiplicarse, llevando a que se presenten úlceras (lesiones) en la boca y en la lengua.

El médico sugirió que era tiempo de pasar de la "biterapia" a la "triterapia". Situación que estaba definitivamente fuera de mi presupuesto ( si el solo hecho de comprar una biterapia, me tenía ya al borde de la bancarota )

Entonces, una día, navegando en Internet, encontré un grupo social con sede en USA, de personas viviendo con VIH donde compartían toda clase de comentarios. Todos los participantes lo hacían obviamente en idioma ingles, y allí pude leer las "quejas" de algunos porque su sistema de salud no les aprobaba un cambio de drogas a otras menos tóxicas o porque no les financiaba todos los examenes requeridos. Estas personas, por supuesto no saben que en el resto del mundo ( me refiero a Centro y Sudamérica y Africa ) hay miles muriendo por no tener acceso ni siquiera a una monoterapia. Con estas reflexiones en mente, me senté a redactar un "mensaje" para que lo leyeran todos los integrantes de ese grupo social... allí expuse -entre varios temas- lo injusto que me parecía el hecho de que miles murieran mientras solo en los países desarrollados se podía "seguir viviendo" gracias a la triterapia y agregué la situación dramática que vivíamos los cero positivos en mi país.

Jamás imaginé, las repercusiones que mi mensaje tendría. Recibí una gran cantidad de respuestas de "apoyo", y entre ellas "alguien" me pedía le enviara mi mail para contactarme en forma privada. Así lo hice. Y en menos de 48 horas, recibí un mail desde Canada, de un médico llamado COLIN COVACS, que resultó ser una "eminencia" en su país ( quien me solicitaba le adjuntara todos los antecedentes del tratamiento que yo estaba siguiendo así como los efectos secundarios observados, más mi úlimo recuento de CD4s y Carga Viral )

Este doctor, se transformó en mi "ANGEL CANADIENSE", pues de inmediato me aconsejó agregar "CRIXIVAN" a la biterapia que yo podía financiar...y esa tercera droga me la enviaría él en forma gratuita por todo el tiempo que fuese necesario. ( recordemos que estamos hablando del año 1992 )
Y es así como en menos de 15 días, yo recibía el primer envío de 10 CRIXIVAN, el paquete incluso adjuntaba una carta personal del médico para los encargados de revisarlo en la Aduana. De modo que no objetaron el contenido de él y tampoco me hicieron pagar derechos de aduana.


No necesito decir, que el doctor COLIN COVACS, demostró ser una "bellísima persona", siempre estuvo preocupado de mi salud y cada vez que le hice alguna consulta, me respondía en forma clara y en términos fácilmente entendibles.
Por eso es que no puedo dejar de agradecerle todo lo que significó en el control de mi enfermedad, incluido el aspecto sicológico. Gracias a él es que todavía estoy vivo.

Si alguien me preguntara, ¿crees en los ángeles?... respondería…por supuesto…y el mío vive en Canada !!

*************************************************************************
GONE WITH THE PANDEMIC


Rudolf Nureryev
En enero de 1993 muere el consagrado bailarín ruso Rudolf Nureyev como consecuencia de una complicación cardiaca tras una cruel enfermedad, trascendiendo que en realidad era víctima del Sida

Growing older, feeling younger

"I have enjoyed greatly the second blooming... suddenly you find - at the age of 50, say - that a whole new life has opened before you."
Agatha Christie (1890 - 1976)












"When a girl is over 40...well 50 if you must.
Do have a mind of 20 seems a little bit unjust!
But...
There's a fact you have to face...you can't pretend the love of a man...who's maybe twenty or twenty-five.
But from time to time you find a man who has the kind of mind...
that makes you feel it's good to be alive!
(From Betty Davis song: "Growing older feeling younger")

HIV Inspiring Stories

I will start posting some great stories of HIV+ people.
The first one is about a gay from Tucson...I asked his permission to publish...unfortunately there's no mail in his blog...so, Enrique please let me know if you desagree with my request. ( I wrote you a message )


ENRIQUE FRANCO

Home: Tucson, Ariz.
Diagnosed: June 2007
The U.S. military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy got Enrique Franco kicked out of the Army. It also, oddly, was the reason he found out he was HIV positive. As Franco explains, diagnosis turned his life upside down, but he's now standing tall. "This is my body, this is my life," he says. "I'm not going to stop living. I refuse to put my head down."


April 7, 2010

SENSE OF SERENITY

Having this HIV in my body sometimes disheartens me. This HIV reminds me of what my limitations are. It can discourage me from running that extra mile. It can also soften my spirit at times. But these thoughts are all brief and insignificant. They do not carry as much weight as does my serenity. When they filter in my mind, I turn to the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The Courage to change the things I can. And the Wisdom to know the difference.
How simple, honest and bold this prayer is to me. I focus often on the first part. Where do I find my serenity? Now, I fully understand that everyone has their own interpretations of serenity. I fully respect that. In fact, I am encouraging you all to share with me where you go for your serenity. At this time, I would like to share mine with you.
When I think of serenity, I imagine what it brings. Peace of mind is one thought. Another is a complete state of grace. My state of grace is where I learned to grow up back in 1993 when I left California. It is where I found myself when I left the U.S. Army. It is where I found true love in my spouse, Devin. That place is Arizona.
I can be serene here in the desert. There are different places I travel to so that I can forget about having HIV. Certain places here have a warm feeling for me. There is one in particular that I can truthfully say brings me to that state of grace. Its name is Sedona. The scenery in Sedona is so peaceful and full of color. Its very soil, the dirt and rock, is made of red clay. The mountains and peaks are all picturesque.


I surprised Devin on his 28th birthday by bringing him up there for a few days. We had such a blast. I have sent some of our pictures from that trip for you all to enjoy. Believe me, these pictures are excellent but do not give Sedona justice. You really have to visit there to get the real feel of the place. We went on a couple desert trails and ate at some fine Mexican restaurants. Ah yes, Sedona is my serenity in full view. While we were there, I can honestly say that I totally forgot about having HIV. Of course I came back to reality at night when I had to take my Atripla, but that's beside the point. The point I want to make is, Sedona helps me feel at peace. Arizona, in general, helps me feel at peace.
To this day, you cannot get a bad comment about this place from me. Our home here in Tucson is another example. I am so grateful to live in a place that has vivid sunsets. When I drive home, I can catch one out in the distance. The sunsets here are full of colors. You can see blue and light red meshing with the yellow and orange. Then, add a mountain in the far distance. Splash that with a few giant cactus heads. Ah, sweet sweet serenity.
Yes, serenity has been granted to me in the form of Arizona. I am very grateful to God for this. So, with that in mind, I will impose some questions on you all.
I want to ask you, what is YOUR serenity? When you start feeling down and out, like nothing seems to make any sense or matter, what do YOU do? Do you find yourself saying a prayer like the one I do? What brings you to a state of grace? Do you have one?


I am asking for you all to take some time and reflect on this. I am urging you to come to a place in your minds, in your bodies, that brings you peace. The cool part of all of this is, your serenity can be ANYTHING you want it to be! Anything, or any place, that you think puts you in your state of grace. When you think of this, I urge you to annotate it. By all means, I would also love for you to share it with us.
Believe it or not, in doing so, this will give your spirit some satisfaction. Just by writing your passions down on paper alone can bring you serenity. You are enabling your mind to enter a more relaxed, peaceful state.
I am asking for you all that read my blog to share your serenity with us. Your words may inspire those who have forgotten to dream. They may ease the many pains of some of our beloved who are seriously hurting right now. They need to glow.
Remember, my brothers and sisters, we all shine together. So please, write down and share these thoughts. This is simply another way of keeping the little HIV/AIDS monster in his cage. In sharing, we all grow and build what I believe we are striving to achieve. Peace at the center. A state of grace. A sense of serenity.
( Enrique Franco )

I'm in the mood for love

Sense of humor

Recently I went to the doctor for my annual physical.
The nurse asked me how much I weighed. I told her 135 pounds. Then she weighed me and the scale said 160.
She asked me how tall I was. I said, "5 feet, 5 inches." She measured me and I was only 5 feet, 3 inches.
So she took my blood pressure and told me it was high.
"Of course it's high," I said. "When I came in here I was tall and slender. Now I'm short and fat!"


I was sitting in the waiting room of my new dentist. It was my first appointment. I noticed his diploma on the wall, which had his full name.
Suddenly, I recalled a tall, dark haired, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class nearly 50 years ago. Could this be the same boy I had a secret crush on, way back then?
When I saw him, however, I quickly discarded that thought. This gray haired, balding man with the deeply wrinkled face was way too old to have been my classmate. Hmmm! Or could he?
After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Northampton High School.
"Yes, I did!" he said. "I'm a Konkrete Kid." He gleamed with pride.
"What year did you graduate?" I asked.
"In 1959," he said. "Why do you ask?"
"I was in your class!" I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, wrinkled, old, fat, bald, gray, decrepit SOB asked, "What did you teach?"



"At my age flowers scare me".
George Burns

Barbara, 84 and Spencer, 25 in a beautiful acrobatic dance routine